Favorite Quote July 25, 2008

Today I offer you a quote from the book I’m currently reading - Humility, by Andrew Murray.  He says:

 “The power of a perfect love forgets itself and finds its blessedness in blessing others — in bearing with and honoring them, however feeble they may be.  The power of this love is given where the spirit of love is shed abroad in the heart, where the divine nature comes to a full birth, and where Christ, the meek and lowly Lamb of God, is truly formed within.  Where this love enters, there God enters.  And where God has entered in His power, and reveals Himself as all, there man becomes nothing.  And where man becomes nothing before God, he cannot be anything but humble toward his fellow-men.  The presence of God becomes not a thing of times and seasons, but the covering under which the soul always dwells.”

From Humility and Holiness, pg. 55

May you enjoy your weekend under the covering of God’s holy presence.  What a blessed place to be!

Posted by Debi

Am I Deceiving Myself? July 24, 2008

Deception is a dangerous and often undetected practice I allow myself to get away with. I may hear a message and based on my own evaluation think that I’m doing pretty well. However, Elyse’s final point in session three hit this right on the mark:

Don’t deceive yourself, Debi:

1. It is easy to think that I’m spiritual if I’m not confronting myself.
2. It is easy to think I’m spiritual if I’m not being discipled by others.
3. It is easy to think I’m spiritual if I’m not discipling others.
4. If I have no works to prove my spirituality, then I must question the truth of my evaluations.

I must honestly review these points, and I invite you to join me. The purpose isn’t to condemn us, but to draw our attention to our need for the gospel; for the gospel alone provides the power we need to change. However, we must admit our need before the gospel can be applied. I need to be my sister’s keeper because if I refuse they may not see their sin! I see how much I lack compassion for others. Caring for and keeping our sisters takes time and effort, and it’s an effort I pray I will be willing to make. I also see how much I don’t pursue the input of others. All it takes is a simple question - have you made any observations about me lately that brings you concern? If you knew that I wouldn’t react sinfully to your observations what would you want to share with me?

I said this recently to my husband when we were on our way to have dinner with some friends. I mentioned that I felt I was missing out on growing in humility because he didn’t share with me observations I’m sure he makes on a regular basis. He said that he has grown used to me being the way I am, and honestly hadn’t paid attention. Ouch! I asked if he would pay more attention so that I could go deeper in pursuing repentance and change. He said he would. I felt really good having had that discussion with him - and I must admit quite “spiritual”.

Little did I know that I was setting myself up for some serious humility. It was during dinner that my sin was on display - loud and clear! In fact everyone at the table saw it but me! My kind and gracious husband was faithful to point it out to me once we got in the car. How did I react after asking for and then receiving his input? Sadly, I got angry at him! This showed me how much my evaluations of myself are not to be trusted. By God’s grace (the gospel) I was able to repent (although a couple of hours later) of reacting to my husband’s gentle rebuke.

I may say I’m ready to be spiritual and willing to embrace the correction of others, but I never know what’s in my heart until it’s tested. There’s an exam coming up for all of us, because God is faithful to complete the work He’s begun in us. Let’s study to show ourselves approved and practice biblical fellowship. The best place to start is in our own families!

Warning: this can be harmful to your pride, but that is the point isn’t it?

Posted by Debi

Our Children’s Struggle with Sin July 23, 2008

As with all the other sessions, so many things stood out to me. One thing though that Elyse shared, which I believe was a little sidetrack (but so much of the wonderful things were), that has continued to jump out at me; it was when she spoke about helping our children in their struggle with sin.

She was speaking about how we cannot really help someone else when we are essentially blinded by our own sin. If we do not first take ourselves to the cross our children are going to back off when we confront them. Elyse suggested that one of the reasons many kids in Christian homes struggle with sin is because they do not see their parents “struggling” with their own sin. They come to believe that their sin is unique and different than our sin and that Christianity doesn’t really work.

So, how can we help them. By approaching them humbly and letting them know before we confront them that we, not them, are the worst sinners. How often I go to my children accusing them and trying to get them to feel the weight of their sin. How infrequently I go to them in light of the cross, believing I am the worst sinner. When a friend shares with me their struggle with sin, doesn’t this encourage me in my own fight? If instead she came to me condemning me in my sin without offering the hope of the gospel, how helpful would that be? Yet many times I do this to my children. I pray now that I will begin to change and daily share the gospel with my children while I confront them in their sin.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the many opportunities you give me each day to share the gospel with my children. Please help me to take advantage of these times and free my children from their sin by leading them to you. Help me to always look first at the log in my own eye and remember that I am the worst sinner and to truly believe this. I want to correct and confront them not in pride and condemnation, but with humility and a heart of mercy. You have granted me freedom and shown me mercy beyond measure, please help me to extend this same grace to my children. Amen

Posted by Elyse

Ask Daily July 22, 2008

“Left to our own reasoning we think we are better than we are. God wants to strip us of our self-righteousness…” Elyse Fitzpatrick

This quote is one that I need to ponder often - ponder daily. Why? Because it is absolutely true! I do think that I am better than I am. With this being said, how can I ever hope to help my sister’s see their sin, when I’m unwilling to invest the time to see my own?

What does it look like to mortify self-righteousness? It’s daily asking God to show it to me. I can be sure that He will answer this prayer readily because in doing so He will be conforming me more into the image of His Son, Jesus, who was meek and lowly of heart. Although perfect He didn’t flaunt His perfection to everyone around Him. No, He laid His life down for us! How much more should I be willing to repent of self-righteousness (because I’m not!) and follow His lead.

If we can grasp this, not only will the quality of our friendships improve, but our relationship with our children will as well. I have often been tempted to expect or even demand that my children be like me: in how they act, how they clean, how they do what I want when I want it, and all the while displaying to them what a self-righteous mother looks like. The sad part is that as my children grew older they did start acting like me, and I realized what a poor example I had been to them. This is where the Gospel is what I need most!

Elyse said, “Look at what Christ has done for me! He was interested in my meaningless life and redeemed me! Don’t strip out what Christ has done - this is the power and foundation to do what I’m called to do.”

God, help us to embrace these truths and change as Your Spirit leads us!

Toothpicks July 21, 2008

This week we are continuing to delve deeper into the rich truths shared by Elyse Fitzpatrick at our annual Ladies Retreat.  Session Three focused on what the Lord taught us in regards to being our sister’s keepers.  Each day we will open our lives to you honestly sharing the areas that affected us the most.  Our hope is that as you hear our testimony you will be encouraged to share with others what the Lord is showing you as well.  Our first post is from Stephanie:

During the 3rd session at the Ladies Retreat, Elyse used an illustration about our sin. She said it is like the game where you have a name on your back that everyone else can see, except for you. Because the nature of our sin is to deceive, we are often blinded to the fact that we are even sinning! (Even though it may be obvious to everyone around us!)

It reminds me of times when I go to dinner with friends. One might say, “Hey…you have a poppy seed stuck in your tooth!” Which then gives me the opportunity to deal with that and move on. But if she doesn’t say something, I can go on the rest of the evening smiling and completely clueless that something so ugly is there! In that same way, the kindest thing I can do for a friend (or that a friend can do for me), is to gently point out that “poppy seed” (aka SIN) in her life - and to assume that she doesn’t even realize that it is there. We need to love one another enough to offer a toothpick of sorts.

Lord, help me to be the kind of friend that is faithful to share observations with others, as well as one that graciously receives correction. I am becoming even more aware of the deception of my sin and how easily I can be blind to it. Thank for You for showing us how to love one another in this way so that we may grow and become more like You!  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

A Lengthy Testimony…(so hold off till you have time ) July 18, 2008

I grew up in a loving Christian home. Yet a home of sinners. Our family experienced substantial heartache, due in part to the pain of unforeseen circumstances including my 21-year-old brother being paralyzed after a swimming accident and his tragic death 6 years later. But some of the heartache we walked through as a family was due to the consequences of avoidable sin. In my teen years I wrestled with both sides of the issue of why life was so challenging. By God’s grace, He helped me to avoid crippling bitterness and anger toward those whose sins resulted in the trials I walked through. But I had regular bouts with sinful attitudes, unbelief, embarrassment, self-pity, anger and proud bouts with why this was all happening to and around me.

In my mid 20’s the Lord graciously exposed me to teaching about God’s providence. I learned wonderful truths from scripture about His meticulous control over all the details of my life. I began to understand His nature and character as being wise, good and loving in everything – and that even the sins of others would be used by Him for my growth and good.

I remember the season over 25 years ago when God began to open my eyes to all the good that had come from those painful experiences being raised by wonderful, loving parents who – like me and my three siblings – were sinful and flawed. The Lord pulled back the curtain of my self-pity and unbiblical thinking to show me the beautiful work He had been doing in my heart, and how the things I had walked through had been used to prepare me for the future I could not see back then.

My parents sin patterns. My brother’s tragic accident. Not having a “normal” adolescence because I needed to care for our home and my younger brother due to Mom’s necessary pre-occupation with a paralyzed son. The lonely times when I couldn’t talk to anyone but the Lord in prayer. All the sadness and regret and perplexity. God was not only there through it all, but was using it all for my good! He had silently and secretly been working in my life, preparing me to become a pastor’s wife and mother of many children (who I wasn’t supposed to have due to infertility). He had been skillfully using everything – even all the sins of others – to draw me close to Him. Most importantly, he was allowing me to see the sinfulness of my heart even though I had grown up in a Christian home and hadn’t participated in many of the worldly things my peers were doing. My pride; my self-pity; my hidden anger and bitterness…all this was just as responsible for the Savior’s death as the “really bad” things my friends were doing.

Fast forward to last month when my new friend helped me to see my self-protection (again!). Days later I remembered what God did in my life 25 years ago. The more recent things we discussed over dinner that night came into focus. Was I grateful for the fruit that had come from my painful upbringing? Yes! Was I deeply aware of the fruit that had come from the more recent things I had walked through? Absolutely!

Then why would I want to protect myself from such a gloriously fruitful outcome…from things I wished hadn’t happened??? And, further, why would I want to protect myself from more such fruit, should God see that future trials and pain would be the very means God would use to bring about that fruit in my life?

Once again I’ve been seeing my pride. My God-playing. My idols of control and ease. My life is in His hands. He paid dearly for my life and it belongs to Him. He holds rightful control over what happens to me and to those I love, even when sin that the sinner is fully responsible for is involved. Whatever He allows near me is because He loves me and wants to grant my desire to be made more and more like Him.

So when I protect myself (or at least try to!) I may be “protecting” myself from situations, people and circumstances for which I will someday thank Him.

What is happening in your life right now…today…over the past month…or even many years ago that you find yourself wanting to make sure stops happening or doesn’t happen again? Whatever God has permitted is for your good and His glory.

And anything that isn’t for your good and His glory will be handled firmly and wisely by your very strong Protector.

Posted by Sheree

The GOOD News! July 17, 2008

One of the things I loved about our retreat was Elyse’s unwavering commitment to communicating the gospel. As sinful and flawed people, because of the cross a holy God accepted the shed blood of His sinless son as full payment for every past, present and future sin. Our Savior took on our sin…and then granted us His righteousness! Now when God looks at me He sees the perfect life of His Son and credits me with that life! How can this be? Though sinful and flawed, we are now loved and welcomed. This means we can love and welcome the sinful and flawed people in our homes, neighborhoods and churches with joy.

Loving and welcoming them doesn’t mean we overlook sin. On the contrary, we gently and clearly address sin (first in our own lives, and then in theirs) because we see their desire to become more Christ like and we want to help them. Additionally, we solicit and welcome their correction and help with our sins because we have the same desire!

This means I don’t have to protect myself! The truth is you and I will be sinned against. Sometimes the sins against us are grievous and serious. (My heart breaks for those of you who have been physically or sexually abused…only the God of all comfort and nearness can help through. He can and will!!) But most times, as I said yesterday, the things that hurt us are a part of all sinful and flawed relationships.

Ok; here’s what the Lord is teaching me (or re-teaching me ):

• Too often, I over react to the sins of others against me and make a bigger deal out of it than I should. So my child reacted arrogantly to my correction or a friend judged my heart from a poorly worded email. Does that mean I can react with self-pity, sinful anger, resentment or fear?

• Whatever comes past the Shepherd is meant for my good, even if it’s hurtful or I have to walk through the painful consequences of another’s sins against me. The Shepherd who allowed that wolf to get in will be the very One to comfort, carry, heal and help me from the attack!

• My sin really is the biggest issue! When I am sinned against (or think I am anyway!) I don’t have to sin back. When I do it’s because I choose to. Because of the empowering presence of the risen Christ in my life, I don’t have to sin. And when I do, I cannot excuse, hide or minimize my sin but can cry out to God in repentance and forgive from the heart rather than return evil for evil.

• God truly does cause all things to work together for good. The very things in life that are the most difficult result in the most good for me.

Self-protection really is foolish. When I look back on painful things that have happened in my life, I can see so much good that came out of these situations.

I’ll tell you a great story about that tomorrow.

Posted by Sheree

I Don’t Have to Sin Back July 16, 2008

The fact is this: we are sinned against. Husband. Children. Friends. Parents. Siblings. Co-workers. Neighbors. Even complete strangers. Too often, though, we’re more aware of others’ sins against us than we are of ours against them. When that happens, we too often sin back. Or at least I do. Over the years I have sinned back in one of three ways.

One, by returning evil for evil. Perhaps someone was critical and harsh to me so I’ll did the same to them…just not as overtly or meanly, of course! Or they gossiped about me so I didn’t feel badly telling someone what they did to me…so I could ask for prayer on how to handle it.

Two, by withdrawing and distancing myself from the relationship. (Not that this is always wrong or sinful, but in my cases I sometimes did this for selfish reasons.)

Or three, by seeking to control others (primarily my husband or children) so I could insure I won’t be sinned against in the same painful way in the future. (Under the deception of simply wanting to help them grow or change.)

All of these unbiblical reactions are self-protective. The way to keep myself from the pain of a broken nose and the intense embarrassment of the stares of my peers was to never pitch again. That I could do and it has worked for 4 decades! But I can’t control the way people talk about me or assess my marriage or parenting. I can’t control my husband and children, forcing them to make right choices that mean they will never sin in ways that deeply hurt me. I can’t make people only see the best in me and refuse to critically judge my motives or heart.

When my new friend sat across the table weeks ago and told me I was being self-protective I knew she was right. (If you don’t know what I’m referring to, you can find the post here.) Some painful experiences years ago were affecting my thinking in ways I didn’t see. I needed help to connect the dots between painful circumstances I had walked through then and how I was seeking to protect myself now. Within minutes this wise friend saw through my sarcasm and playful comments to a deeper issue in my heart. One that I had been aware of over the years and sought to deal with biblically. Yet, in His kindness, God was going even deeper to show me even more of my sinful heart.

So the recent weeks have been full of opportunities to see how much I want and seek to protect myself. Yet God is helping me to remove the glasses of self-love and self-protection, giving me eyes to see Him in the painful situations I look at as not only bad back then, but to be avoided in the future. He is bigger than my circumstances. Bigger than the sins of others (real or perceived) against me.

I can’t wait to tell you more tomorrow!

Posted by Sheree

What a Broken Nose Taught me 40 Years Ago July 15, 2008

I clearly remember it even though it happened 40 years ago. I was in middle school gym class pitching for our softball game. Suddenly my pitch was being returned to me by the batter at lightning speed – and it hit me right in the nose. I fell quickly to the ground and blacked out momentarily. For several weeks I looked awful. But more painful that the broken and sore nose was the embarrassment of the swelling and black eyes…added to pimples and newly donned braces. That painful and embarrassing experience made me do one thing – make sure it never happened again! I’ve never pitched a softball since. (Of course, today I couldn’t even get the ball all the way to the batter anyway!)

When we are hurt – whether physically or emotionally – we instinctively try to do whatever it takes to avoid being hurt again. So we learn how to protect ourselves:

• We were hurt by a close friend who betrayed or critically judged us so we decided to guard ourselves from being that vulnerable with anyone again. (And we don’t even realize that’s why our relationships seem superficial.)

• We feel another mom disapproves of our parenting style so we avoid spending time with her…or drill our children excessively on the way to her house to make sure they behave well. (All under the guise of thinking we’re just training our children to be well mannered.)

• We opened up to a friend about a personal struggle in the past and experienced a lack of compassion and understanding, so now we’re cautious and measured about how much we disclose. (After all, our friends wouldn’t really understand the depth of our struggles anyway.)

• Sin patterns in our husband or children resulted in a painful personal crisis months or years ago, so we’ve become controlling and fearful to make sure we never have to go through that again. (Besides, surely God would never want us to go through anything like that again so we’re just doing our part to make sure it doesn’t happen!)

Though there are times when it is wise and right for us to protect ourselves from criminal attacks or abuse, most of our self-protection is from the more “normal” consequences of living in a fallen world with sinful and flawed people. We were hurt, disappointed, rejected, criticized, lied to, judged, betrayed…sinned against. The pain and confusion of such sins against us are too often met by us sinning back.

I’ll tell you what that’s looked like in my life tomorrow.

Posted by Sheree

Self-Protection: Such a hindrance to biblical fellowship… July 14, 2008